for not treating you the way I want to be treated
Roshanara Begum
This question stirred my curiosity
when a cousin of mine apologised, recently for a wrong done many many years
back. My first reaction was to make her comfortable while trying to recollect
what it was all about. The tears that welled in my eyes spoke about the
discomfort I felt having to endure the humility and remorse she felt while
saying the word “ SORRY”. It is not an easy task to bring oneself to apologize.
I asked myself Why? Why now ? Why at all?
Wrongdoing and apology are almost
like partners. The latter follows the former at a pace so fast that at times it
is almost instantaneous. At other times it takes so long in coming that the
victim wonders , “isn’t it too little too late”? Sorry we donot always say to
others but at times to ones own self, when we realize that a situation could have been better handled had ones behaviour been more
appropriate.
Its amazing how human
minds work. When we hurt or harm others we are sublimely unaware of its impact.
However, one fine day when we realize the extent of the harm done, we feel the
need to make amends knowing fully well we cannot turn the clock back. Then
comes the admission of guilt to cleanse ones souls. The burden of guilt is
truly tormentous. No one likes to be under it whether it is a person on death
bed or a criminal on death row or even the victim abused in the worst possible
manner. Hence some cry for pardon while others cry for less punishment for the
perpetrators.
Although apologising can be hard to
do, atonement and forgiveness works both ways. It not only heals the
psychological wounds of the transgressor but also empowers the victim too.
Seeking and giving forgiveness are desirable social values we have been taught and grown up imbibing. Every
society , belief across the world demands adherence to such conventions.
Alexander Pope had rightly said “ To err is human, to forgive divine”.
If human beings can accept others
with their imperfections and strive to achieve perfection (divinity ) by forgiving, can they not
perfect themselves by committing less mistakes, hurting others less, creating
less friction and less conflict. What does it take for a human to be more humane?
Just a little EMPATHY. An ability to put oneself in anothers shoes. An ability to identify and understand
others wants , needs and viewpoints, a need Dr Bhupen Hazarika had so aptly
expressed in his song “ manuhe manuhor babe jodihe okonu nabhabe”
Although a high IQ
makes one task smart, a high EQ makes one people smart. It is reported to be a quality most employers
look for as they search for workers who can adapt to new learning environment,
situation and demonstrate the ability to
collaborate with people of different backgrounds, values and cultural
understandings.
The benefits of empathy are many. If one has empathy , one
can read the needs and expectations of the people in ones life. Understanding
others perspective enables one to gauge the impact of ones words and actions.
There will be better interaction in workplaces and social spheres as one can
understand unspoken communication with others. People with empathy are very
good listeners and caring as a co-worker
therefore others are more likely
to listen and be motivated. Empathy enables one to have a larger view of an
issue instead of just ones own and is very effective in resolving interpersonal
conflicts in both professional and personal relationships.
Reseach has shown that people who are in touch
with feelings- their own and others have an edge over those who don’t .
Building empathy is one of the important and challenging tasks of the 21st century. When
individuals from different backgrounds with different world views have to work
together and live together, one has to find human commonalities beneficial to
all, to build and sustain a peaceful and better world, a better tomorrow.
However, lack of empathy, a kind of emotional disability almost everyone
suffers sometime or the other and which
if not overcome, our hope for a peaceful
and better world would remain a distant dream.
Source :
www.gviusa.com